Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 30 September 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about nocturnal noises.

September 22

A caller reported their neighbors were rearranging furniture in the middle of the night. Police contacted the neighbors who had just moved in, but advised they were done for the night.

I don't know how you could miss that your neighbors had just moved in, or would choose to call the police rather than talk to your neighbors. Who thinks like that? Certainly not I. But I am well aware that I am atypical. 

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 16 September 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about an ax wielding mad man.

September 5

A caller reported a man was hiding in trees along Main Street late at night scaring people, further advising the man had an axe but was not threatening anyone with it. Police were unable to find anyone in the area.

I don't know how you prepare yourself to go looking for a man scaring people with an ax, whether they are threatening anyone with it or not. 

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 9 September 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about online harassment.

August 28

A caller reported they had left a bad review about a business online and now the employees were retaliating by harassing him online. Police advised that none of the activity was criminal and suggested he seek a civil remedy.

 I can understand wanting to get authorities involved in dealing with the situation. And I'm taking no stand on whether the business deserved the bad review or not. The thing is, you've already stated that you have access to the internet because you've left an online review, and you're being harassed online. So, why not use that resource to research the laws related to online harassment, and tell the folks harassing you that you are doing so. The potential of legal action could be all that is needed to get the behavior to stop.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 2 September 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity for the week is about threatening use of a knife.

August 21

Dispatchers received a report from a caller who stated he had been threatened with a knife, but would not provide any further information. Through some astute investigation, dispatchers and officers were able to determine the identity and then locate caller, despite him having no physical address. The caller told police he saw a man at a bus stop whittling which made him uncomfortable, but added that no threatening words or gestures had been made. Police located the woodworking man who advised the same. No crime.

I am glad that our local police are so persistent and able to locate a caller who has not given an address because in the case there is an actual dangerous situation I want them to be able to respond appropriately. On the other hand, I am concerned that I live in a place where someone could be so stupid as to think whittling was a threat to them, when there had been no overtly threatening behavior.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 26 August 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity is about roommates who do not get along.

August 18

A caller reported issues with their roommate whom he alleged stole their cat and phone.

 I don't know why someone would steal a cat. But, I am, admittedly, not a cat person. I would have to be paid quite a sum just to consider letting someone give me a cat, let alone take one from someone else. A phone could be more understandable, but it's still a bit of personal property.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 19 August 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity this week is about sleeping in appropriate places.

August 7

A caller reported two suspicious persons were drinking or possibly doing drugs on the railroad tracks late at night. Officers arrived and noted that one party suddenly made himself scarce. Contact was made with the first subject who told police they were simply hanging out. Police walked the tracks and found a hat oddly situated in the shrubs, pushed back the blackberry brambles and located the much scratched up second party who told police he was sleeping.  They were advised not to drink in public, to stay off the railroad tracks, and perhaps find less painful places to nap.

 I don't have any commentary on this. It was just funny.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 12 August 2020

 The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about a defensive reptile.

August 1

A caller reported that she had taken possession of an abandoned turtle approximately a year ago, but now the original owner had repossessed the reptile, only to return it a few hours later. Officers are investigating.

My favorite part of this is that the officers are investigating a turtle that was repossessed and then returned. What is there that's left to investigate? The turtle is with its purported owner. I'm at a loss to understand what is going on here.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 6 August 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week involves a possibly mistaken individual.

July 29

A caller reported a fight in progress at one of the local schools late in evening. Officers arrived and found a set of parents playing tag with their children in an effort to tucker them out.

I mean, the caller wasn't wrong. At least in my experience this is a kind of fight.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 29 July 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is very confusing.

July 19
A caller reported a van in his neighborhood from which unknown persons were selling methamphetamine and heroin. Officers spoke to the van owners who alleged the caller pulled a gun on them. Police spoke to a witness who advised the caller’s mother is “The Vladimir Putin” and advised that the illuminati are masterminding the riots in Portland. Officers were unable to determine if any crimes actually occurred.

I'm not sure who was more confused in this scenario. The police officers were clearly confused, but likely rational. The other participants may or may not have been confused, but certainly seem not to be acting rationally.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 22 July 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity this week is about making wise decisions.

July 16
A caller reported a road rage incident after he had flashed a vehicle for allegedly brake checking him and going 10 MPH under the speed limit. The caller then followed the vehicle to the driver’s residence to apologize for being aggressive. The apology apparently did not go as planned and an argument with others at the driver’s complex was now escalating. Officers arrived and talked at length with the caller about making better decisions and sent him on his way.

 This genius essentially called the cops on himself. How do you not realize that you've been acting like an aggressor, and decide to call the police?

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 15 July 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is rather mundane.

July 3
A caller reported a man was in a restaurant parking lot using the mirrors of an employee’s vehicle to shave. The man was gone upon police arrival.

 The fist image that came to mind was of a man using a razor stooped by a car's side view mirror. It is far more likely that he was using an electric shaver. Or that the event didn't actually occur because I can't think of a plausible reason for someone to shave in a parking lot.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 9 July 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about potentially fraudulent footwear.

June 26
*A caller reported they bought some shoes through Facebook Marketplace and believed they may be fake. The caller paid $1250 for Nike Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Dunky shoes. The caller wanted receipts however she did not ask for them at the time of purchase. The officers advised that this was likely a civil matter as there was no way for them to determine whether the shoes in question were fake or not.
*A caller related to the earlier shoe purchase called to report she is going to the location to contact the subject who sold her daughter the shoes. Shoes were examined  and appeared to be authentic. It was determined the callers daughter would take them to a store to get them checked and let us know.
June 27
*A caller from a $1250 shoe purchase from the prior day called and said the person she bought the shoes from was going to refund her money. The caller wanted police to escort her to make the trade. The caller was advised she could make the trade in front of the Police Department if she wanted, however police do not facilitate private party transactions agreed upon over the internet.

This is a longer excerpt from the log than I typically make, and it involves several entries rather than just one. First of all, I had no idea there were Ben and Jerry's co-branded Nikes. That seems ridiculous to me. Secondly, There is no way that the shoes would be worth $1250, even new at full retail. Thirdly, I'm glad the police aren't spending their time officiating exchanges of merchandise arranged over the internet.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 1 July 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week involves parental responsibility.

June 21
A caller asked for police assistance in retrieving his son who went to a friend’s house without permission. The caller was advised to attempt to retrieving his child on his own first, and if there were problems call back.

 How can you think that the best course of action is to call the police? Have you completely neglected your responsibility to the point that you imagine the police are the best way to get your child to come home? There has to be more to this story than is reported here. But, it isn't given in this report.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 24 June 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for the week is a bit macabre.

June 17
A caller reported they had found a very large, fresh bone and wanted to ensure it was not from a human. It wasn’t.

I'm uncertain why the police would be the experts you'd contact to determine if a bone was human or not. But there are certainly worse options.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 17 June 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity is about an escaped pet.

June 10
A caller reported a four-foot long iguana was wandering around a residential street. Officers were able to catch the crafty lizard and located its owners nearby.

I saw a report on this on Facebook. The police here are pretty good about putting important or interesting items from their activities there. I don't know why you'd want to keep an iguana, though. I mean, I used to when I was younger, much younger. But since then I've learned how dangerous they can be.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 10 June 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for the week is about an active participant in our governance.

June 4
A citizen contacted the police station requesting to speak to a commander in a quest to ban fireworks from the state of Oregon. They then advised they were going to contact the governor next.

I do not know why someone would think the Forest Grove Police Department was the place to contact about getting fireworks banned statewide. I'm not really a fan of fireworks myself, but I don't see any need to ban them, myself. In fact, a stupid law like that probably does more harm than good by criminalizing nonharmful behavior, and fostering disdain for the law in general.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 3 June 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week is about an interesting use of the 911 line.

May 24
A woman called 911 stating it was imperative she speak with a specific FGPD officer immediately because her cabinets were dislodged. An officer called her back and strongly admonished her about calling 911 for such matters.

The only thing I can think happened here is that the officer was the only one to have been able to fix this problem for the woman in the past, and that she thinks anything that rises to the level of annoyance for herself is an emergency. I have to hope that the majority of folks would not do this, or anything else similar. The alternative is to lament the stupidity of my fellow man.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 27 May 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity this week is automotive in nature and reflects our current odd state of affairs because of the governmental response to the Wuhan Virus.

May 19
A man called the FGPD irate that he had received a citation for expired registration when such infringements are covered under a grace period due to Covid-19. Police kindly explained that the date of sale was in 2016, and that failing to renew four years ago was beyond the scope of the grace period. 

I am also affected by the inability to get some of the necessary services from the state to be able to fully register my vehicle. I did drive on an expired registration for a couple of weeks before I was able to determine the mitigation efforts the state has taken to address that lack. But I certainly didn't try to take advantage of the situation and excuse years of fraudulent behavior.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 20 May 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week involves explosives on an interesting variety.

May 14
Campus safety reported they ran into the suspected bean bomber from the previous day, but that he fled on foot on contact. Police conducted an extensive area search but to no avail. The man was spotted awhile later in a different part of town, but the track again came up empty. Police continue to investigate.

 The image of a bean bomber conjures up some fantastic conceptions if you don't know what is being described. You can see what is meant by following the link above to the full log, and reading the entry on the bombing from a previous day. Then it appears to be innocent enough, but I can still understand why the police would be interested in pursuing the perpetrator.

Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 13 May 2020

The selection from the log of local police activity this week is about a knowledgeable, but misguided youngster.

May 5
Police received a call from a 6-year-old who reported another player on Fortnite had threatened to call the police on him after a heated match.

I don't know that I would have thought to call the police as a six year old. I doubt I'd have had the presence of mind to do so. I would likely have talked to one of my parents though.