Forest Grove Police Log excerpt, 11 September 2019

The selection from the log of local police activity for this week involves a phantom theft.

September 4
A caller reported that her car keys had gone missing, along with tens of thousands of dollars. It was determined no such monies ever existed. Officers explained that cash can’t be stolen if there’s no cash to begin with.

This would seem to be obvious. I would not expect that this would need to be explained, but this caller felt differently.